The Distance Between Love and Regret (Formerly Finding Home)
by Cat-and-Canary
Summary: Robin must chose between loyalty and love, and not everyone can win. Revenge can twist even the purest of hearts and the fallout will touch all involved. OQ/Marian fallout told from Robin's POV. (Note: Generally "T," but there is a clearly marked M Rated chapter) Also, this was formerly titled "Finding Home."
1. Moment 1

A/N: This is just me trying to resolve the devastation of the s3 finale for my OTP. First attempt at ff, and not edited. Robins POV b/c we all know Regina so well, but I'm trying to understand where Robin is coming from. I have no love for Marian, but it has to be dealt with first. These characters are not mine, are property of Adam and Eddy, ABC, etc.

...

"Marian," he gasped. This wasnt possible he thought as he strode toward the dark haired woman. He clutched her to his chest holding flesh and blood he thought had been long lost to him. This was real, she was real.

"Mama?" he heard little Roland ask. Robin's mind reeled as he crushed his reunited family to him. Where had she come from? How was this possible?

A tinkling bell pulled him out of his whirling thoughts. Regina. His body went hot and cold all at once. How could he have forgotten her even for a moment?

His body pulled toward the door, but his feet would not move. He looked down at Marians joyful face. He could see past the happiness to the tension lines around her eyes. She looked to out of place in the cozy diner, small and afraid. Before they were lovers they had been friends. He couldn't leave her alone in this foreign place.

His eyes stared at the door, and sent up a silent prayer that Regina would understand.

Unbidden, Robin remembered the first time Regina had kissed him in Storybrook. She burst through the trees like a comet in the night sky, and just as bright. She had grabbed him and the moment their lips met his world crashed down around him. He had pulled back, panting, to look at her face. His chest felt like it was combusting and he had never felt more alive than when he was with this amazing, uncompromising, vulnerable, passionate woman. Their eyes locked and it was a revelation. There was no going back.

And now his wife was back from the dead, ripped from a past he had long moved on from.

He would have to hold on to his faith that Regina understood the man he was and the price that came with loyalty and honor. Even if it cost his own happiness, their happiness, he could not break a vow.

...

Let me know what you think. It is OQ endgame, but this was written on my train ride so I haven't figured out how to get there yet. Advice, thoughts, and criticism welcome!


	2. Moment 2

**Thank you for the feedback lovely feedback, follows and faves! This is written stream of consciousness style, without direction so thanks for sticking with me as we try to puzzle out the emotions. Also, prompts are welcome. :)**

**...**

That evening Robin sat in front of the campfire, staring in to the flames. Normally the woods brought him such a sense of peace, but he sensed that nothing would give him solace anymore. Not until he began to resolve themes that his life had become in such a short time.

Marian sat down beside him. "My love, what are you still doing up? Will you not join me in our tent?"

Suddenly his clothing felt too constricting around his neck, and the tongue that had always been so clever could not find the words to charm and ease her mind. This could not wait any longer.

"Marian, I know this day has been an unimaginable trial for you with so much to take in. But that has not been all," he said, the lines around his mouth tightening in to a grim line.

"Before we were lovers, we were always friends," he said, finally looking up from the flames. "I will not have a lie between us."

Marians' face lost its color, but she took his hand. "You know you can tell me anything," she said, her face a mask of concern and confusion. "What is it?" she prompted.

Robin squeezed her hand, "Marian, it has only been days since you saw me, but I been without you for many years. I grieved, and I railed against myself and the fates. I would have done anything to bring you back to me." She smiled.

He continued on, "But I moved on. I had to forgive myself and find happiness again." Her face collapsed.

"There is someone who I… care very deeply for. I will not dishonor her or you. You are my wife." His eyes turned back to the fire. "I am committed to you and our family, know that. But please realize that as overjoyed as I am that you are safe, things are," he paused, "Complicated for me."

Marian grabbed his chin and turned his face toward her. "I love you. I realize this is sudden for you but we will work this out together. As a family." She leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the lips, but opened her eyes when her lips touched the soft bristles of his cheek instead.

Robin had turned his head, only slightly, yet there it was.

Marian stood up, a small tight smile on her face that could not hide how this small action had shaken her. "I… I should go check on Roland," she said.

Robin gave her a short nod, but she didn't see it, spinning on her heel to return to the tent.

He ran a hand through his short brown locks. "Oh Regina," he sighed. The passion and life she had ignited in his soul would not be denied. Even now his heart ached for her. Was she alright? He hoped she was safe tonight, with people who loved her. It should be you with her now, his mind whispered, but he feared he would simply cause more pain. To be near to her would be the only thing to sooth him now. His mind seemed clearer when they were together, colors were brighter, he was stronger, his mood instantly lifted and he knew she felt the same. But he had no right to any of it, not if we were to be the honorable man he knew he himself to be.

_Damn this honor_, he thought. "What is the point of it all when it hurts the woman I love?" he muttered. _Which woman_, his conscience asked. He looked at the tent and his heart knew the answer.

Unable to enter the tent, Robin looked up at the starts peeking through the thick forest canopy and walked over to the camp's night watchman.

"I'll take watch tonight. You get some rest," he said, absentmindedly rubbing his wrist.

He could not live as a man divided, but he had to try.


	3. Moment 3

**A/N: Written on lunch this time. THANK YOU for the feedback. It is super helpful since I'm flying blind with this. Just gotta get the feels out, right? :) **

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As dawn broke, Robin was relieved of his duty but not his burden. He rubbed his forehead, weary of the thoughts that would not let his mind rest. Marian had Roland up and dressed, the little boy running towards him.

A grin spread across his face. "Papa!" the little boy cried out, running to Robin. The archer crouched down and let the young one tackle him. "Ahh, you got me!" No matter what was going on in his life, nothing could taint this. Robin swung the boy up in the air, laughing.

"Put him down!" Marian called out, "You'll over excite him."

Robin shot her a look. "He's a sturdy young lad. He'll be fine," Robin said. Won't you, boy?" he asked Roland, giving him a little tickle before setting him down.

I had the night watch. I'm going to rest a while myself. Let Little John know if you have need of anything. Or of you need to know anything about Roland's routine.

"I'm his mother," Marian replied.

"I know that. But… just try to keep in mind that we all have some adjustments to make," he said, pressing his lips in to a thin smile and giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

One inside the tent Robin collapsed on to the bedroll. He stretched out, staring intently at the canvas above as if it could answer the questions tumbling in his mind. _This is only the first day,_ he thought, _and it already feels like a lifetime._

Robin squeezed his eyes shut and let the blackness take him.

He was sprawled on a couch in front of a fire. Not a campfire, but a smaller blaze, set in a beautiful room, tastefully appointed in black and white. He knew this place. Regina's home, where they had spent their last night together. He was dreaming.

He saw her there by the fireplace, sitting small and more delicate than he had ever remembered seeing her. The fight was gone out of her, he realized, missing that inner power that always made Regina so much more formidable than her actual size. It was a dagger in his heart.

"Regina," he called softly. Her soft dark eyes locked with his. He slid off the couch to join her on the floor. His hands reached out to tangle in her raven locks, sliding down to cup her face. She pressed her face in to his hand. "It's almost like you're with me," she whispered.

He hugged her close. "I am always with you," he said. "I miss you so much. We were together for such a short time I don't know how it is possible but I don't know what to do without you. I feel… lost," he said letting out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "I'm trying to do what is right, but it all feels," he stopped, swallowing hard. "It's like everything is about to fall apart. I don't know how to protect you all. I don't know what to do. I don't know what is right anymore."

He buried his face in the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent.

"You once told me it was all about timing. Maybe you were right. I can't believe we will ever find our time, but I can't let go of the hope that we will. I know you aren't real, that Marian isn't going anywhere, But if I'm going to be one of these damn heroes I have to believe that there is a happy ending for us somehow," Regina said, some of her spark returning.

Robin felt his heart lift, "Alright, we'll be strong. I believe in us," he said with a small smile.

"I do too," she replied, rolling up his sleeve to reveal the dark ink on his skin.

Regina pressed her ruby red lips to the pulse point right above the tattoo.

"We've handled rocky times before. What is this to us?" she said with a short laugh that was somewhere between hope and despair.

Then she smiled _that_ smile at him. His heart stopped beating for a moment. It was like the sun breaking through dark clouds, she shone so brightly it hurt his eyes.

Suddenly he was blinking. It was sunlight.

Right, it was a dream. Yet he felt better than he had in the last two days even if it was only a dream.

Robin rubbed absently at his wrist, but stopped cold. It was slightly sticky.

There just about the lion was a fain impression of red lipstick.


	4. Moment 4

**A/N: Things got a little messy here. O.0 But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for our wonderful OQ! I really want to be fair to Marian, but idk. My love for Regina makes it hard not to see her as the bad guy. Please let me know what you think. Thanks again for the awesome reviews and follows. It keeps me going. :) Also, once again, I own nothing. Thanks to A&E / ABC for letting them come out to play.**

* * *

_I might as well be a ghost the way I haunt these woods_, he thought, drifting silently through the wash of white snow.

His mind could not forget that strange dream. Not dream… connection? Whatever it was, that was over a week ago and it hadn't happened again. Robin had tried to see her the very next evening, but she would not answer him. Now he made a nightly pilgrimage to boarder of her garden. To watch over her, yes, but also because he could sense her inside and being near to her eased some of the tension that now ate away at him daily. He could think. He could think. Breathe.

He set his mouth in a grim line. She was trying to be brave, to be selfless, he knew_. _She didn't want to break up a family. His family. _She __**is**__ my family_, he thought fiercely. _Damn it Regina, you have just a much a claim on my heart as anyone by oath or blood_. _Why can you not see that?_

He stood from his crouched position and shook the snow from his hair. Even if she would not see him, he knew what he had to do.

Robin entered the small, tidy room above Granny's. The weather had taken an unseasonable, wintery turn and although this was nothing to his Merry Men, Robin had secured a room for Marian and Roland to wait out the storm.

As he entered he was met by the tiny force of nature that was his son. "Roland my boy," he said, swinging the child on to his hip. "Little John has treat for you. You'll find him waiting for you at the stairway."

His wife looked at him questioningly. "Marian, may we speak privately?"

"Of course," she said, dropping her hand to the bed.

"I know that I have been distant," he said, taking a seat in the worn rocking chair across from her. He looked down at his hands. "I love you. I will always love you. But I can't do this."

He heard a sharp intake of breath. Robin leaned forward, his elbows coming to rest on his knees.

They were both quiet for a moment.

"You can't be serious," Marian said flatly. "Look at me!"

"What is this hold she has on you?" Marian cried, staring in to his eyes. "It has to be something dark. It has to be. This isn't possible. I love you," she whispered, and Robin could not tell if she was speaking to herself or to him.

Robin stood, and walked over to the window.

"My love for you has not changed. But I have changed. I am not the same man you knew and as much as I long for it, we were meant to be in a different time and place."

"It's because of her, isn't it? The Ev… the Queen," Marian said, her fists clenched in her lap. "Even here she seeks to destroy me," she said bitterly.

"No Marian, please." He sat down beside her, his hand reaching out to touch her bowed head, but Marian jerked away.

"I will not lie to you; in some ways what I feel for Regina is a part of this. But even if she were never to see me again I know in my heart that we cannot go back."

"Just let her go. That's the problem. She is the problem," Marian shot back.

"I can't let her go."

"You mean that you won't."

"No darling, I mean I can't. It would be easier to ask the sun not to rise in the morning. I can't explain it, but this isn't something that is going away," Robin said gently.

Robin's heart constricted in his chest as he saw fat tears begin to plop onto Marian's hands.

"Dear heart, this is not the end of us if you allow it. I will always love you, and we will always be a family. We would never replace you. We couldn't."

"There must be a spell. Or a potion perhaps. Something to fix this," she said finally looking up with red-rimmed eyes.

Robin could hear the desperation in her voice. Suddenly he felt very weary, her heartbreak crushing his bones.

He knelt in front of her, taking her cold hands in his own. "You know me too well to think that a spell or potion can be the answer. And magic always comes with a price. You deserve better than a love sustained my some enchantment."

"Get out," she said, turning away. Robin touched her shoulder. "Get out!" she said, looking back at him.

Robin drew back.

Robin shut the door and sagged back against it. _What have I done?_ he thought. Although he had no doubt about the truth of his feelings and that he had done what was necessary, he was shaken. Robin could see still see that last look in her eyes, one that he had never seen in all the years he had known her: hatred. But for whom?


	5. Moment 5

**A/N: THANK YOU for every bit of feedback, as well as follow and favorite. It really helps keep me motivated to finish this blasted thing. ****J****More at the end of this chapter.**

He rubbed his hand over his face. _Gods why did this all have to be so difficult?_ Regina's face surfaced in his mind, soft and sad as she entrusted him with her past hurts, so achingly beautiful. _It may not be easy, but it is most certainly worth it._ He longed to go to Regina immediately, but he sensed he yet had unfinished business with Marian. _I will not have this touch you, my love._

Robin held Roland's small hand in his as they walked back to camp. The child skipped alongside him, oblivious to his papa's churning thoughts.

Boots crunched in the snow.

"Papa, can we play back at camp?" the young boy asked, breaking through his reverie.

Robin blinked. "Of course my boy. Nothing would bring me greater pleasure," he said with a smile.

Roland flashed a toothy grin, and broke in to a run. Robin shook his head and chased after the child.

After an hour or so of play in the powdery snow, Robin was attempting to settle his son down for a nap.

"Papa, where is mama?"

"Mama," he paused. "Mama is taking some time to think about something very important. Don't worry, son. All will be well," he said, brushing a hand over the child's mop of curls.

His little face scrunched up. "I miss R'gina," he said in a small voice. "Can't we all play together?" he asked, his big brown eyes reflecting the confusion he was still too young to fully understand.

Robin nodded. "Yes. Yes we can," he said with a look of determination.

Robin couldn't stay in limbo, and neither could his son. This had to end now, and then they would begin again, rebuilding their family in to whatever shape it would take. All he knew was that Regina would be in it, and that was enough.

Robin exited the tent with such speed he nearly knocked over the figure standing just outside.

"Marian!"

"I thought you'd be with _her_ by now," she said, throwing the words down like a gauntlet. Her head tilted to one side. "You're still here."

"Roland wanted to play," Robin explained. "He's down for a nap now." Her face darkened.

"Marian, you are not some bit of rubbish to be tossed aside. You will be part of my heart and in my life forever."

"But it doesn't belong to me," she said, verbalizing what he did not.

"No."

"I knew, you know. I felt it the very moment I returned. In those first moments of happiness it was there, pressing in around the edges," she sighed, lips twisting. "Even now I can see her all around you. Perhaps it is," she hesitated, "a woman's own kind of magic, this knowing. I just didn't want to see it."

There were no words he could give her, so he did not try. Robin drew close and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Her face was a serene mask. "Go."

And he went, without glancing back.

Perhaps he should have.

**FINALLY! Robin and Regina in the next chapter. Originally this was meant to be an exploration of internal emotions and motivations but it seems to be evolving. If that's a good or bad thing, I don't know lol. Thoughts and criticisms are very welcome! **


	6. Moment 6

**A/N: I had a hard time with this one, so please let me know what you think! I thought I was over the finale trauma but it was so hard for me to get in the right head space for this I appreciate feedback. Small note at the end as well.**

* * *

Robin slowed to a jog then stopped a few feet from Regina's house. He stood, lightly panting for a moment. All that rushing to get to her, to only stop now.

_You've__faced countless dangers and it is only now that you are afraid._

He wasn't worried that she didn't love him. He knew it in his very soul that she did. That did not mean that he would be a welcome sight to his beloved.

He sprinted up the steps and pounded on the door.

"Regina!"

He paused moment, looking down; he didn't hear any movement.

He tried again. "Regina!"

Nothing.

Suddenly his heart began to race. No light had turned on, but he knew she was there. Every hunter's skill he had picked up in the forest strained to catch a physical hint of her presence. Finally it was there: fingers scraping softly across wood.

"Regina, I know you're there," he said.

The sound of the woods was heavy in their silence.

"No, I'm not," he thought he heard her say, it was so soft. "A good woman wouldn't be here at all."

Fingers sliding through hair. _Probably smoothing it as she so often did when she was unsure_, Robin thought.

"Open the door, Regina. Please."

"We both know I can't do that."

She sounded so tired. He could feel it too.

Robin pressed his hand to the door. He could almost feel the warmth of her fingers through the barrier.

"If you think this door will stop me, stop the way I feel about you, you are a fool Regina. And I know that you are no fool. It cannot stop the way I feel for you. It has been a short time, yes, but now that I have known you there is no going back. I wouldn't want to. My life... my life is less without you in it."

"I'm afraid."

His heart ached for her.

Robin swallowed hard. "I am so sorry for any pain I have caused you. It was not supposed like this." He sighed heavily, continuing on, "But know that I belong to you Regina. My heart, my soul, my body are yours. Do not doubt it my love. We may face challenges but you need never fear that. Never fear because of me or doubt what we have."

Robin fought to keep the desperation from his voice.

"A wise woman once told me not to fear rocky times, that they were nothing to us. That cannot be if there is a closed door. Let me in Regina."

Nothing.

"Believe in us. I do."

The door cracked open.

Seeing her face Robin sagged, releasing tension he hadn't even realized was there.

"Stubborn woman," he muttered with a small smile. Robin tilted her head up, and she pressed her face in to his palm. "Thief," she replied.

The came together in a delicate kiss, taking a moment just to feel the joy of being close. There would be time for passion later. For now he was content to feel her in his arms.

* * *

A/N: So, OQ sexy times next? I've never written something like that so let me know if I should go for it or just skip to the after glow. Thank you SO much for reading! :)


	7. Moment 7

**A/N: I know, I know, OQ sexy times need to happen (!), but that has been pushed back one chapter. Thanks to Kris Morene for pointing out that Robin and Regina needed to have one more conversation before moving forward. :) I'm writing without a beta so feedback is really appreciated.**

* * *

Robin felt his stomach knot as she led him to the living room. Less than a week ago they had been so happy here, and now things were complicated to say the least.

They looked at each other for a moment, an odd distance that had never been there before yawning open between them.

Robin broke the silence first.

"I know things are… difficult now. Messy. But in all of this I have one thing that guides me: I love you. That's what I know is right."

"I don't think we… it would probably be better for everyone if you just went home to your wife."

"Regina," he started, but she cut him off.

"I want you. I need you. But there are some things we have to face. I killed her," she said, her voice becoming agitated. "I may not have realized it at the time, but I killed her. Now she is returned to you. You could have your happy ending back."

There was a wildness in her eyes as she spoke.

"Every time I think I've paid for my crimes, fate reminds me that the ledger is far from clear. I am trying so hard to do the right thing here. Please don't make that more difficult than it already is."

"I cannot live a life based on a past that no longer exists, Regina. You only know what you think is right, that does not make it so. Is it right that I should feel empty? That I should touch one woman while longing for another? Is that better? "

Regina turned her head, walking a few steps away.

"It's not just that. I _needed_ you. As selfish as it is, even if you were at the center of your own storm, even if duty bound you, I needed you and you weren't there. I don't blame you. There is nothing even to forgive."

She turned back to him.

"Logically I know this is my own weakness and it tears at my mind. But it hurts all the same."

"I know where my happy ending is," he said, stepping forward to clasp her hand. "How we get through this is together. It may not be easy, but I will never leave you to face things alone again. I swear it to you now."

She still looked so uncertain for a moment, he held his breath.

"You know I had the strangest dream the other night. In that moment I knew we would be alright, I was so sure. But then the dream was over."

"That was no dream. In my darkest moment my heart spoke to you. I don't understand how, but I know it was true. Do you trust me?"

"With all that I am," she exhaled.

"Then let us begin again from there."


	8. Moment 8 (Rated M)

**A/N: Be aware this is an M RATED chapter.**

* * *

Regina walks to the staircase, the sway in her hips making clear her intent. Turning to look at him, hand outstretched, her eyes darken with desire.

"Enough talking," she says, arching an eyebrow.

Robin walks slowly to meet her at the base of the stairs, stopping at the step just below her. Regina gently bows her neck down, but there is nothing gentle in the way her mouth ravages his own. It is a lifeline to a drowning man. And he is drowning.

He runs the tip of his tongue along her bottom lip and she nips at him.

"Unless you plan on taking me right here on the stairs…"

_I'm not against that idea_, he thinks.

She pulls away and their eyes lock. She shakes her head, tapping him on the nose with a smile and sashaying up the rest of the stairs.

Entering the bedroom she begins to undress, but Robin steadies her hand.

"No. Let me take care of you tonight," he says, pushing her gently over to the bed.

He quickly strips off his jacket and lifts his tee shirt overhead, baring sleek planes of muscle.

"Let me do this."

He walks to the bed where she sits, crouching down beside her. Robin runs his hands through her silken black strands, taking in her face. There is such fragility and strength there. _I will never tire of this_, he thinks, straining up for a kiss.

He kneels to remove her high heels, strange contraptions that they are. He unbuttons her blouse, sliding the soft material off her shoulders, taking the opportunity to run his hands down her body, worshiping her.

Robin takes her hand, leading her to stand. Never breaking eye contact, he reaches behind to unzip her skirt, letting it fall to the floor, leaving her only in lingerie.

Regina kneels on the bed, and he moves behind her, trailing open mouthed kisses from her shoulder to her neck, breathing in her scent. He can feel her body relaxing against his chest, her head lolling gently to one side.

Robin unclasps the blasted sexy bit of something he has heard her call a bra, letting it fall. Hands sliding up her ribcage, his hands move to hold her breast heavy in his hands, never leaving his ministrations at the delicate skin just below her ear.

Lazily one hand moves around her waist, sneaking beneath the elastic band, rubbing her apex. He can feel the dampness already.

"Robin…"

He stands.

"Lean back my love," he murmurs, moving on to the bed and lowing his mouth to her center. It is a light kiss at first through the material that covers her heat. Slipping it to one side, he slides his tongue slides up the center of her core, nuzzling her button, causing Regina to lift off the bed, His fingers soon replace his mouth, He watches her reaction, massaging her clit with his mouth as he slowly slides his fingers in and out of her most intimate area.

Robin inhaled deeply, dizzy from the heady scent of her sex, the sound of her heavy breathing.

"Open for me, Regina."

He adds another finger and her head falls back, sighing heavily. In and out, he continues mercilessly, increasing the pace until she cries out his name.

Robin allows himself a self-satisfied smirk, biting his bottom lip.

After the shaking subsides, Regina grasps his hair hard, pulling him up until they are parallel. She snakes around, pushing him onto the bed.

"You think that's funny, huh? My turn."

She crawls on top of him, grinding her wet panties over the prominent bulge in his jeans. They indulge in the moment, intoxicated by the sensation.

Regina quickly flips open the button to his trousers, dragging his pants down, his manhood springing forward without hesitation.

Her hands run up his thighs, pausing to grip his base as she lowers her head.

Robin can see starts behind his closed eyelids as his body begins to vibrate. Nothing else exists. There is only Regina and her beautiful mouth. That perfect mouth that tempts him, teases him, vexes him and loves him.

"Oh gods Regina, Oh gods."

He says her name over and over, until it's more like a prayer.

He hips buck, and he struggles to control himself, clutching bunched sheets in his fists to keep himself from trying to control her actions. She takes him to the brink, and then pulls back again and again.

"I suppose you've suffered enough."

She straddles him, pulling the barrier that separates them to one side. She sinks down upon him, taking his length bit by bit. Beginning with shallow thrusts, they begin to dance.

His head reaches up to her breasts, nipping the underside of one, and then taking a nipple in to his mouth. Her hands in his head control every action, pulling the sandy strands tightly when she is pleased.

Suddenly flipping Regina on to her back, Robin removes her panties. He surges forward, her body stretching to accommodate him as he fills her completely and they begin in earnest.

Pistoning like a man possessed, he roughly grabs her hips. Now is not the time for gentleness.

Powerful thrusts take over as they break against each other, racing toward some unseen finish line. Robin can feel the sweat beading on his back as Regina writhes beneath him, matching his pace, up and down. They tear at each other, no longer dancing but fighting to reach that little death. Their bodies meet again and again until Robin can no longer take it, emptying himself inside of her.

He can feel her quivering around him, as he continues to plunge her depths, giving her the last shuddering, searching thrusts and she finds her own release. He collapses beside her.

Leaning up on one elbow, he runs his warm, calloused fingers over her body, feeling her shiver.

Watching her, he takes in this moment; her dark eyelashes are closed and he sees a soft smile playing against her lips. The scent of sex is in the room, but something sweet is there too. _This is where I belong._

He takes a moment to enjoy this perfect peace, the woman he loves beside him, evidence of their lovemaking cooling on his body.

Robin pulls her into an embrace, fingers idly playing in her dark strands until sleep claims him.

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**A/N: ****PLEASE REVIEW! This is my first attempt at an intimate scene and the most difficult to write. I can't get better without critique, so I'd love to hear from you.****(Was it too cheesy, too dirty, not dirty enough?) In any case, I hope you enjoyed it!**


	9. Moment 9

**A/N: This chapter is told from Marian's perspective.**

* * *

They're in bed when she finds them. _Disgusting_. Her blade flashes in the moonlight.

The witch is awake almost immediately, while Marian's trusting husband sleeping peacefully at her side. He looks more relaxed than she has seen him in this land and it turns her stomach.

She had hoped to catch the Queen alone. At least they had the decency to put some coverings on.

Marian reaches over to turn on a lamp beside the bed, creating a small circle of light in the inky darkness.

"After all you've done, after all the innocents you have hurt, _killed_, do you really think you deserve a happy ending? That you get to take mine?" Bitterness has turned her voice to steel. She can see the blows slice Regina and a cruel smile blooms upon her lips. Scenting the blood, she continues on, mercilessly. "You get MY husband? You are evil. You will never be anything but. And I will strike you down."

Regina does not move, but gently squeezes Robin's wrist beneath the covers.

The blade in Marian's hand trembles against Regina's throat, with fear, and rage all tangled in to an indiscernible mess.

"I went to the Dark One, you know. I couldn't sleep. I paced all night in front of his shop. But I had nothing he wanted. There was deal to be made."

Marian bites down on her cheek, and for a second looks smaller. Lost. She is oblivious to the wordless communication going on right in front of her.

"If you were gone everything would be right again," she whispers, almost talking to herself. "Part of me knows how crazy it sounds, but the other half doesn't care I hate you so much." Her voice is trembling now, and she pushes her face in to Regina's. "Made redundant in my own life by the _beautiful_ and _terrible_ Evil Queen," she snarls, flecks of spit flying. Tears begin to fall, lading in big wet drops on the hand that holds the dagger.

She pulls away. "Sometimes I feel like my skin could burst, all the rage I feel crawling underneath the surface. There is nowhere to put it all and I am drowning in it," she cries. She exhales, turning almost lucid for a moment. "I guess I'll just have to be a little more old fashioned about my justice," she says, beginning to press the blade in to the tender flesh underneath Regina's jaw.

Robin can take no more and speaks up, causing a startled Marian to lower the dagger.

"Marian," Robin bark, then tries to dial down his tone. "This isn't you. I would have gone through hell to get you back, but I had to let that go. Even then I never planned on falling in love again."

"Love? You think this is _love_? That you are fated?" She spits out the word like bile in her mouth.

A sudden stillness overtakes her.

"No. This is some kind of dark trick, some black magic that she has used to take you from me. To take you from our family. If anyone is fated, it is _us_," she hisses, standing to pace, coming in and out of the shadows. "I was ripped from her clutches by the Savior to be reunited with you. It is _she_ who is the intruder."

Unintentionally two sets of pained brown eyes connect, and Marian is taken aback by what she glimpses reflected back at her in the depths of the other woman eyes. Understanding.

Of any reaction Marian could have imagined, it is not this.

Almost hypnotized, she stops and finds herself asking, "Have you ever had everything taken from you?"

"Yes." Regina answers plainly. "Yes I have. You feel angry, and rage against your powerlessness. If will eat you from the inside out if you let it. You may not trust me, but trust this. I know."

"It will be alright, Marian," Robin tells her, but it sounds very far away. She knows better. It will never be alright again. Her eyes are glassy and unfocused. Quick as a snake Marian flips the dagger, driving it down in to her own chest.

But death does not come.

Marian looks down, and then seems to crumple like a doll whose strings have been cut. The dagger floats suspended in the air, glowing a soft white, the faintest tinge of purple staining its edges.

"We will be alright again," Regina said forcefully. "All of us."

At this, Marian's head snaps up, but she remains silent.

Regina waves her hand and the dagger disintegrates.

"Is this fair? No. Is it what we wanted or planned for? It is painful, yes, for everyone. I refuse to accept that this is a situation where someone has to lose."

Leaning over to the other woman, Regina extends her hand, but Marian only looks at it dully.

"I just wanted my family back," she says, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.

Robin rises from the bed, walking over to crouch beside the broken woman. "We haven't gone anywhere. Roland and I will always be your family," he says fiercely. "On whatever terms you need, we will make this work."

When she finally looks at him, her dark eyes are clear once again and she is more like the woman he knew so well a long time ago, in a different place.

"I am so tired," she mumbles. Without the anger to power her, Marian can barely stand.

"I will take you home," Robin offers. He leaves the room to dress.

The silence opens up between the two women, broken only by small sniffles.

"I could never take your place, nor would I try to. I get how that feels. Life may not look like what we expected to, but … we can't stop."

Marian remains quiet, but she gives what Regina thinks is a tight affirmative shake of her head.

Robin returns, bundled up against the cold. He places a jacket over Marian's thin shoulders, and then helps her rise.

As they walk toward the door, Robin looks back at Regina. She gives him a hint of a tremulous smile, and nods in understanding.

Their boots crunch snow in the stillness of the night as the two make their way back to the inn.

"I'm sorry," they both say as they reach the entrance to the Bed & Breakfast.

Robin runs his hands through his hair, and the movement is so familiar it hurts.

"I never meant for any of this to happen. You're not alone. Please, please know that. Hear me." He looks in to her face for a long moment. "We may not be what we were, but that doesn't make you nothing. I am so sorry if I ever made you feel that you were," he says, reaching out to take her hand but dropping his hand as he thinking better of it.

Marian inhales deeply.

"I know your heart is heavy," she says, beginning to speak slowly. Her voice is hoarse, and it is clear that each word costs her. "I may not be your soul mate, but I know you better than anyone," she says with a small sad laugh. "Almost anyone," she amends.

"I am not blind," she says, drawing up and gathering what dignity she has left around herself. "Every time I look at you I see her all around you. You are a man Robin, not a god," she says with a catch in her voice. "I release you from your vow to me."

He looks at her with such sadness her heart hopes, if only for a moment, that he will say it was all a mistake. That he will stay.

"Thank you," he says, pulling her in to an awkward hug. He smells like pine and hope, and then he is gone. She watches him disappear in to the soft white snow that was beginning to fall until she can no longer see him at all. Again he does not look back, but this time there is nothing to see.

* * *

**A/N: Well, that was. Yeah. Crazy headspace to write from. Let me know what you think!**


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